Tuesday, February 07, 2006

It's All My Fault!

SEAHAWKS . . . lose?

Ok, that's not what I expected. But I've done a lot of reflecting, and I have to come completely clean: their loss was entirely my fault.

You can blame the refs (which I do), you can blame Holmgren's clock management (which was bizarre), and did I mention you can blame the refs? But ALL of those things are completely, totally and unequivocally MY fault.

For those of you who are not die-hard sports fans, you just won't understand this. For those of you who are, this will make so much sense that you'll shake your head in wonder at my hubris. Indeed, I thumbed my nose at the God of Sports, and lo did he smite me (and my armor clattered about me).

How did I accomplish this? Here are just a few of the main ways:

1. I rearranged my living room. Yup, in the two weeks between the NFC Championship Game and the Super Bowl I basically rotated my living room 45 degrees. Why is this important? CLEARLY while altering the feng shui of my living room may have allowed energy forces to flow through my house better, it just as clearly threw off the precariously situated pro-Seahawk Vibe that emanated from my house, traveled the 3 hours north on I-5 and permeated the Seahwaks sideline. Once the Vibe was altered, well, there was just no getting it back. Now, during the off-season I need to sacrifice my love seat to the Goddess of Good Sports Fortune. I think I'll set it on fire in my front yard and then throw Terrible Towels on it to fuel the flames. I'm sure the Fire Marshall will not be pleased, but this is really out of my hands now.

2. I did not sit on the right side of my sofa. Through the First Round and the NFC Championship, I dutifully sat on the right-hand side of the couch, and both times the 'Hawks won (not to mention I sat there through a sizeable handful of the 'Hawks regular season wins). Obviously, the right-side is where the pro-Seahawk Vibe originates. On Sunday my wife was sitting there. She was very sick, and I didn't feel like making her move, plus she thinks this superstition thing is a bit weird, so I didn't want to get in a long theological debate at the start of the game. That would only have interfered with the Vibe. So instead, I sat on the LEFT side. Of course, the game started out ok. The Seahawks looked competent, their defense had a strangle-hold on Pittsburgh. "Maybe the Left side is where the Vibe relocated after the rearrangement!" I thought. But there was something a bit off, I felt. The 'Hawks offense was good, but not great. They were close, but not close enough. Things weren't clicking like they should, but they looked like they could start any minute. When halftime came and the 'Hawks were down 7-3 I panicked. Which leads to:

3. I panicked. What can I say? The pressure of the Big Game got to me. I mean, this was my first Super Bowl, and the glitz, glamour, and media attention made me antsy. So, rather than thinking clearly, I panicked and switched sides of the couch. By this point I didn't care if my wife was suffering from consumption. SHE NEEDED TO MOVE! And move she did, bless her heart (albeit with a slight shake of her head and roll of her eyes; yes, honey, I saw that). Now, firmly ensconed on the RIGHT side again, I was convinced we were on our way. Then the little running back (c'mon, everyone compared to the Bus is little) ran for 75 yards and scored a touchdown. It was then I realized my mistake, but it was too late. See, the Vibe hadn't been lost. It was just taking awhile for it to re-orient itself. Had I stayed on the Left side, it would have found me and thereby the 'Hawks. Instead, I moved and confused it. By the time it did find me, it was so dissipated that it couldn't muster more than pulling the Seahawks within 4, and then getting them to that heart-breaking play that almost put the ball on the 1. When the penalty negated that play, I knew the Vibe was finished for the day. I'd tired it out with my antics.

4. To top it all off, I'd bought these football sugar cookies the day before thinking they'd make a nice snack during the game. What did I discover about 2 hours AFTER the game? I'd forgotten to put them out for us to eat (I also discovered that they didn't taste that good). I'm not sure if this contributed to the loss, but it was sort of a reminder of all that had gone wrong that day.

So there you have it. Seahawks fans, you can curse my name. You can picket my house. You can ban me from the city of Seattle (of course given traffic there I'm not sure how much of a punishment that would be). You're justified in it all.

But don't worry. I've learned my lesson, and if the 'Hawks should have the good fortune to return, I won't make ANY of these mistakes again.


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